Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
