just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize