He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
