i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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