I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
