I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
