I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
