I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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