I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
