After last night, I could never be a politician.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
