i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
