Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize