Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
