Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
