Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
