Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
