yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
