omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
