if you like me you must not know who I am
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
