Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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