my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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