I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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