More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
