If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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