Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
