moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
