I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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