What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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