i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize