why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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