i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
