She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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