That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How external is "for external use only"?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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