after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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