Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
