Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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