SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
