I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
