I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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