Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
