One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
