Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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