I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
