Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
