i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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