Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
