Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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