"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
