y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
