Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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