You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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