I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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