My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
