he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
