i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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