is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
