How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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