Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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