You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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