Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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