Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize