Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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