I want to make a zoo with you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
