I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
well you can't waste a boner
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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