I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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