And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
