That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
