Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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