yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize