Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
