how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
