If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
