Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
