My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
