She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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