if only i could text you this smell
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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