I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Everything about him screamed your future.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
