obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
