It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
